Not in the Least Bit Scared
by denticity
Summary: In which chess sets are upended, worries are had, Trouble is afoot, and it was nothing at all to do with him.


a) This is still jesska-chan, don't panic. I changed my username because I'm obssessive-compulsive and it was inconsistent with all my others. Don't mind me. ;;

b) We remember from the fanbook that Ichijou is a 'complete sadist', right? Right.  
Also, Kain and Ruka are second cousins, honest. That's in the fanbook too.

c) And I'm doing my titles in bold instead of underline. New year, new formatting!

d) Happy New Year, everyone! May 2011 be as awesome as you. :)

* * *

**Not in the Least Bit Scared **  
(or Kaname Finally Loses It, and the Night Class Can't Think Why)

"The question is," Kain asked, "are either of you sure you know what you're doing?"

Both Hanabusa and Ruka ignored him, put their noses in the air, and pushed the couch over another half metre. It made a horrible scraping noise that hurt Kain's teeth, at the same time as it gave him the feeling that this was probably one of those things that Ichijou would call a Bad Idea. With very definitely capitalised initial letters.

"It just seems like," he said, "you haven't thought—"

"We have thought very carefully about this, Akatsuki," said Ruka, with a dangerous sort of finality. "Nothing bad will come of it."

See, Kain cares very deeply for Ruka, and will do pretty much anything she tells him to, but right then he couldn't make himself believe her. Not at all. And he tried very hard.

"Nothing bad," Hanabusa agreed, contemplating what to do with the table. "Only good things."

He's not very believable either, is Hanabusa.

"Just wait till he sees it," he said proudly, lifting the table a couple of centimetres from the ground with infinite care (because Kaname had put things on it, and disturbing them too much would likely earn Hanabusa a slap on both sides of his face).

Kain wasn't sure he wanted to.

He loves them dearly, the cousin and second cousin he grew up with, but he has reached the point where he thinks that one day they are going to get themselves into some kind of real trouble. And this plan of theirs (both refused to call it a scheme) was not helping in the least. Sure, he guessed it was a good thing they were working together and even appeared to be getting along or something like that, but rearranging the Night Dorm's furniture in a bid to 'change the place round a bit, you know, mix it up' was bound to bring nothing but Trouble.

(Another of Ichijou's capitalised words, that one.)

"Ruka," Hanabusa said, "do you think the chair should go a bit that way, and I'll put the table here, and—"

And then Ichijou came in, said "Hello, everyone," and gave Aidou a fright, and it was all downhill from there.

Ruka, at least, said, "Oh, hello, Takuma-sama," and got ready to explain to him what exactly it was that they were doing.

Kain said, "Yo," and set himself to thinking about how he was going to convince Ichijou that he was in no way involved with any of this.

And Aidou jumped very high into the air, wearing an expression that said _Ichijou, don't just sneak up on people like that!_, and dropped the table. And Kaname's chess set came clattering down with it.

_Crash_, it went, like breaking glass, and the board split quite cleanly into two geometrically patterned pieces.

Aidou said, "Oh."

They looked at it for a few seconds. Kain admired the geometry. (The break, though, didn't have quite the same aesthetic value.)

"Well," said Ichijou. "Kaname's probably not going to like that."

"He's going to kill us all," said Aidou, in abject, blue-eyed horror. "We're going to be _murdered_."

"Slowly," Ichijou said happily. "One by one. And he'll make the still-alive ones watch."

"And I'll be last," Aidou said, his voice rising in wailing lament.

Kain was immediately overcome by a deep sense of regret at not having said earlier that he had nothing to do with this.

Kaname was probably going to be back soon, wasn't he (as far as anyone knew he was out bitching at the vampire hunters), and he was going to see this and be fairly unimpressed. At least all the pieces seemed to be intact.

No, wait, one of the knights had lost a head. There was probably some kind of significance behind it being one of the white ones, but Kain decided that it probably wasn't too relevant, as it were.

"Does anyone think maybe we ought to pick that up?" he asked, not wanting to himself because then he'd have had something to do with it.

Unsurprisingly, Ichijou did, and set the whole thing back on the table, putting the pieces back where they'd been. (Good memory, that guy.)

The pieces didn't quite sit right on the board any more, and the headless knight looked very incongruous, and it didn't help the general effect of having all the furniture in the wrong place.

"I'm going to die," Aidou said.

"I rather think you are," said Ruka.

Aidou looked unreasonably upset, but 'unreasonable' in these circumstances probably wasn't unreasonable at all.

There were noises from the general vicinity of the door, then, and all at once everyone smelled the loveliness that could only have been a pureblood, and had the same terrible premonition that they were totally done for.

"Everyone," Ichijou said with characteristic brightness, "act naturally."

"That's an oxymoron," Aidou hissed.

There was a moment of strained silence, in which Kain realised that it was far too late to leave now.

Kaname walked in, and at first glance he didn't look too unhappy. Must not have been the vampire hunters then (or they'd been amusing today). But he obviously realised that something had happened, and they all saw him scan the room.

"The furniture's in the wrong place," he said mildly.

"Ah, yes," Aidou said hastily, "we were just rearranging things, you know, for a bit of a change…"

He trailed off when Kaname seemed not to care after all.

"What happened to my chess set?"

It was like the million-dollar question or something. Answer right and you get the money.

Except, in this case, the money was in fact impunity, but no one was entirely sure what to do.

"Aidou dropped it," said Ichijou. "When he picked up the table."

Kaname was silent.

"Because Ichijou snuck up behind us and gave me a fright!" Aidou said in near-hysterical protest. "Kaname-sama, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to drop it, I just, I'm so sorry…"

Lack of response was a very good response, Kain thought. The gang leader was quite good at this—Hanabusa looked like he was about to faint. Kain wasn't too worried.

Kaname turned round, and raised one hand. "I think," he said, "we need to have a talk."

He looked like he was in a world of his own, as if he had been taken by fancy and whim. It was a bit strange.

"By 'we', who exactly do you mean?" Ichijou asked.

"Not you," Kaname said, "but you can stay if you like."

Ichijou looked as if he would like that very much.

Kain had had nothing to do with it, he swore. On the lives of everyone he loved.

"Aidou," Kaname said contemplatively, pointing to the couch, "sit here."

Aidou trembled, and did.

"Ruka, close that gap in the curtains."

Ruka looked perturbed, and did.

"Kain, make the tea."

"D'you think he's feeling alright?" Kain asked Ichijou, tilting his head towards their dorm leader.

Ichijou thought for a second, and said, "I wouldn't be surprised either way."

"Fair enough," Kain said, and did as he was told.

In the kitchen, he met Shiki and Rima, who quite obviously had been listening at the door.

"Interesting day we're having," Rima said.

"I had nothing to do with it," Kain muttered.

They seemed unconcerned, but then again they quite often did.

Upon Kain's return with the tray, Hanabusa and Ruka were sitting on one couch, Kaname and Ichijou were on the other, and the atmosphere was not one of fear but of confusion. Mixed signals. Clearly Kaname had finally lost his mind.

"We're just going to sit," Kaname said, "and have some tea." He took the tray, looking pensive. "Kain, I take it you technically weren't involved."

"No, technically I wasn't." He wondered how credible he was.

Kaname tipped his head. "You may leave, if you wish. Ruka, you too, if you can promise me reasonable behaviour from now on."

"Of course, Kaname-sama," Ruka said hurriedly, like she meant it.

"Good," Kaname said. "Tell my cousin and his alleged girlfriend that there's nothing more to hear, would you? Aidou and I are going to have a conversation about how to remove chess sets from tables before the tables are moved."

Kaname smiled then, and Aidou probably had a mild heart attack.

"Have fun," Ichijou said, apparently having decided not to stay, and led the way out.

During the short journey up the stairs and along the corridors, they learned from Ichijou that there were in fact many more chess sets, and that the broken one was not significant—Kaname wouldn't have left it there if it was.

The whole thing was a bit mean, Kain thought. Hanabusa wouldn't be right for days because of the terror, he'd be so bad-tempered, and he and Ruka would bicker and bicker and bicker…

But he supposed he'd no right to complain. He'd had nothing to do with it.


End file.
